This guest post on Terdoh's blog by @thegothprince turned alot of heads, raised browse, dust and even Skirts on twitter today - we just had to bring it to all you twitizens. Enjoy reading.
This is TheGothPrince. (My name is totally irrelevant to you. Unless you want to set P with me. If so, follow me and send a DM. No boys allowed abeg.) Now, when I was told to guest-post for this blog, one topic came to mind. I have been trying to get the message along for so long. Now, I am not promising I would have you laughing buckets like dear Terdoh, I am just here to rant. Hopefully it sinks in this time. Dear people, we are going to be discussing the issue of twitter celebs.
Remember when twitter was the fun go-to site where everyone was equals and we all got along just fine? Yeah, those days are over. If you think otherwise, you are carrying a ton of last. While we were busy asking for followbacks and using the #NP hashtag, a certain group of people went ahead of us and overthrew the place. Now they rule the twitterverse (or they think they do) and do it with a heavy hand.
You may know a few of them, but if you don’t, I’ll do the brave thing and call them out.Tweetoracle:
Now known as The Oracle or Mazi Oracle to show respect, (he is well above 30, and we have good home training), this man is one of the timeline terrorists of today. Although he tweets from 6am-3am, he claims he works in an oil company.
How many people who have a career tweet that much? I am an addict, but I don’t even come close to that. This man who thinks he has a solid command of English (he uses the largest words, but those smart enough will see he uses them out of context most times) and asks the most ridiculous questions ever.
Nowadays, he seems to have Googled every topic imaginable, so he just uses foolish puns and wordplay, blocks everybody with half a brain, and fishes for compliments from his base of Voltrons (Only God knows how stupid you are if you Voltron for such a hopeless man. You have a special table in Hell, where the Devil and the Oracle will torment you by asking questions forever).
Dear Oracle, please attempt at an actual life or career. They don’t pay anyone to be a celeb on a social networking site (Or have they started yet? The rate at which Twitter is getting serious, you may never know.)Drewbaba:
My least favourite of them all. UNILAG student who attempts to intimidate everyone with his status and deride everybody he thinks is below him (LASU students, you still owe me a medal for taking him down the day he started with your school.) He used to be one average Joe till Ynaija (someone tell these people to stop hyping these twitter celebs! Twitter parties, twitter personalities, it wont help you people sell your magazines!) decided to interview him as a twitter personality.
Since then, the Voltrons rolled in and he got elevated to celeb status. The Voltrons in his own army are the funniest. I mean, I saw this one day.
“@Drewbaba’s DP wants to make me break up with my boyfriend”
I had to laugh because I have seen him a few times and even if your boyfriend is Gbagaundetector-ish (I just had to) you wouldn’t break up with him for a short, fat, charcoal-black, ugly negroid whose ass can serve as an umbrella for an entire nation. OH, and the day Odina called him out for being gay and even mentioned his partner, I saw this.
“@Drewbaba is not gay, I have even done him a few times”
What the hell? This girl’s destiny is obviously buried under a palm tree somewhere. It’s quite obvious she hasn’t had s x with him (or anyone else for that matter) and she obviously hasn’t heard of gay men who sleep with people just to hide their sexuality.
Dear Drew, congrats for using a BB torch, and congrats that you are in UNILAG (wonder who he slept with to get in), but it doesn’t make you better than anyone else. IF you cannot shut up about your dead, pathetic self, please go commit suicide. You’d be doing us all a favour.Fuckyuropinion:
Firstly, I honestly do not know how this one became a celeb. There’s nothing remarkable about a 17 year old girl who tweets the driest things. I guess it’s because her Voltron base consists of thirsty pedophiles who wouldn’t mind knocking their junior sister’s agemate. She may be queenbee on Twitter, but in actual life she attends some A-level lesson somewhere, and yet, will open her come-filled mouth to insult UNILAG.
It’s a shame, really. I remember the day she and Odina got into themselves. Her Voltrons were screaming about how Odina was a whore, but in actual sense, Odina is actually a better whore. A whore who has embraced that fact is so much better than one who claims she isn’t but still puts up avatars where half her b bs are showing, and Odina did tell her that. (Apart from the fact that Odina is a bitch, or trying really hard to be one, I do like how she takes her time to call out her fellow celebs. The resulting twitfights are prime entertainment.) Now after screaming her support, the Voltrons proceeded to request the one thing they lived for, a followback from Miss Ella. (Sad, isn’t it?) That was when I saw this.
“@fuckyuropinion People will hate you, rate you, shake you, break you, but how strong you stand is what makes you. Pls follow back.”
This was like the signal that the end had come. Are we not finished when people sit down to write poems just for followback?Gbagaun Detector:
I just had to comment on this overthrown celeb. Before a certain fiasco, he used to hide behind funny avatars and comment on people’s grammatical errors. Some were funny, and some were not. He had Voltrons who would often comment on how his favourites were the reason for their existence, and had already appeared on radio (Only UNILAG FM would be dumb enough to have a show dedicated to people whose biggest achievement is having more than a thousand followers on twitter. And I wonder why I’m ashamed of my school?) Then the picture palaver happened.
Ynaija organized a party for the twitter celebs and THE Oracle, Drewbaba and his sidekick Wale Gafar and the Detector showed up in all their fake glory. No-one cares what happened during the party but the pictures the Oracle put up afterwards set twitter on fire for a whole weekend.
Comments on how Drew looked like a rotten chocolate covered sponge-cake and how the Detector looked like hot amala and nature’s own gbagaun were flying throughout the twitterverse. The detector took the worst hit and after that, was made irrelevant.
This just goes to show that as a Twitter celeb, your fame is fickle. Make the slightest mis-step and you are thrown out of relevance, afterall, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
And to the voltrons, all I can say is do you have a life? Covering and supporting people you do not know is just a sign that you overdosed on contaminated breast milk or had none at all. To the general population, please, a follow back is not money. Whether someone chooses to followback or not is a personal choice, and if it burns you that someone didn’t followback, I must say, you are sorta kinda pathetic.
If anything I have said here burns you, feel free to comment. If it hurts you so badly, my handle is @thegothprince. Let’s talk about it rationally, or otherwise.