Laugh Out Loud with mykali

[mykali]

There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, paranas, and many other things that could kill you. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes.

Well, nobody was up to the challenge, so everyone just started having a good time and doing that "party thing."

Suddenly, there was this big splash! The host looked and saw a man swimming to beat hell across the tank, and, look and behold, he made it!

The host walked over to the man and said, "Alright, you made it, WOW!. What are your 3 wishes?" The man replied, "First, you see that shotgun of yours? give it to me , Two, see those bullets over there? give me them, 3, show me the bastard who pushed me into that pool."

[mykali]

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to
blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as
he is greeted by his mother. He says, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and
greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands
him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees
the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the
whole truth.the man,remembering that little johhny was his son" The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and
says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!".

[mykali]

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"
she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the
customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious
success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped
a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing.
Hey, this tastes like shit!
Then I would say, " It is shit."
Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

[mykali]

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.

"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"

"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.

"When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."

"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that really is a drag!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet
is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose
right on my head !"

The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only 3 inches off the ground!!"

[ClintonSpel]

UR'E GOOD MAN. Lol